THICK CRUST, cheese-slathered, grease-soaked pizza is just better, the nation of Italy has been advised by the rest of the world.
Italians claiming the only real pizza is thin, Neapolitan and made with locally-sourced mozzarella have been told nobody gives a f**k about their long-held traditions and just wants something to soak up the beer.
Pizza chef Alessandro Napoletano said: “Americans, Brits, Swedes or Koreans taste my genuine thin-crust margarita, made as my great-grandmother did, and to a man prefer a Domino’s Mighty Meaty.
“I cannot apparently match pizza with garlicy cheese oozing from the crust, pizza served ‘as it should be’ in a cardboard box, pizza that is even better cold and hungover.”
Tom Logan of Leeds said: “Italians need to get with the programme. If I can’t feel my arteries clogging after the second slice, it’s not worth the £19.99 I drunkenly paid for it.
“What would Italy know about pizza? It’s like Indians telling us about chicken tikka masala or the Turks weighing in on our post-pub kebabs.
“We’ve improved pizza to the point it’s ours now. F**k off out of it.”