Tuesday, 7th July 2020

Little food better than big food

MINIATURE versions of normally larger food items are superior in every way, consumers have confirmed. 

Tiny cheeseburgers, sausage rolls, tacos and hotdogs are better than their unwieldy counterparts because they are smaller, cuter and you can eat more of them.

Nutrition scientist Helen Archer said: “Big burgers? Gauche. Tiny burgers? Classy as f*ck.

“One large burger is intimidating, while eight small burgers offer an acceptable way to consume far more meat and bread in a way that almost seems dainty.

“They look fun, far more work’s gone into their preparation and they’re an amusing, ironic joke while actually still tasting great unlike other posh foods where you need champagne just to wash the fancy crap down.

“Miniature pizzas are also great, but they have to be properly mini. Those merely small frozen ones from Asda are just children’s pizzas and remain horrendously common.”

The findings have been welcomed by those who always say ‘Oh, I couldn’t possibly,’ before asking for a bit of whatever you are eating.

But while the science is settled on miniature food’s overwhelming superiority, researchers have stressed that the same is not thought to be true for miniatures of booze.