Monday, 20th January 2020

Mum announces she is to step back from making dinners

A MOTHER-OF-TWO has announced she is to step back as senior meal-preparer from her family because she can no longer be ars*d. 

Emma Howard reluctantly made the statement that she is making the transistion to watching telly and letting everyone fend for themselves because it is really f**king annoying and never ends.

She continued: “When I signed up for motherhood I was warned, by close friends and strangers alike, that the majority of the food I prepared for my children would go in the bin.

“But it has still been a shock to discover that the more lovingly I prepare it, the more likely that  it’ll get thrown on the b*stard floor.

“I also had no inkling that my kids would turn into d*cks at 5pm because of hunger and kick me in the shins while I make three different meals simultaneously because they’re so fussy that a tiny piece of onion can start World War Three.

“So I am withdrawing and working to become financially independent enough for nightly takeaways. Dinnertime can f**k off.

“The school run can do one too. And, come to think of it, bathtime and bedtime are a b*llache. I quit the whole thing. B*llocks to it all.”