Office worker who forgot lunch planning to pop into food bank

AN office worker who left his packed lunch at home is planning to swing by his local food bank for a sandwich, a bag of crisps and a Coke.

Finance worker Julian Cook was in such a rush this morning that he left his lunch on the kitchen counter, and decided that rather than a Boots meal deal he would nip to the nearby foodbank, which is free.

He said: “I’ve donated to them in the past so I know they wouldn’t mind me helping me out now it’s my hour of need. I’m bloody starving.

“But the range of lunch options was a disgrace. Boxes of cornflakes or bags of pasta aren’t any use for the hungry office worker on-the-go.

“Shelf after shelf was tins of soup, tins of beans, toilet roll and Tampax. I said I just wanted a quick packet of something and the woman offered me instant mashed potato. I know they’re volunteers but come on.

“It’s shocking. I’m not expecting anything fancy like hummus or focaccia but at the very least they should stock the basics – turkey wraps, salt and vinegar crisps, maybe a few Mars bars and cans of Fanta. I went hungry today.”

This evening Cook plans to throw a few multipacks of Walkers, some Dr Pepper and six individual pork pies into the foodbank collection point at Tesco, so they are there when he needs them.

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Are you trapped in a happy, loving marriage?

IS your independence compromised by a stable, contented relationship with your spouse? These are the signs you’ve thrown away your selfish dreams to be happy: 

You feel guilty for being a prick

Go out for a few after work, forget it was your turn to make dinner and suddenly you feel like a total dickhead, your emotional defences crumble and you promise to be a better person. That never used to happen when you went out with people you didn’t really like very much.

Your old friends have disappeared

What happened to long nights round Phil’s house, sipping warm Red Stripe while watching three other blokes play FIFA? You haven’t seen him in years and now your best friend – your only friend – is your wife. Stand back and look at that and realise what you’ve become: a comfortable, untroubled shell of a man.

You can’t come and go as you please

As a single man you soared like a condor wherever the wind blew. There was always a tantalising chance of going on to a club, blowing £40 on drinks for some girl who wasn’t interested, and waking up on the sofa of a stranger who you still owe for the taxi. Now you’re a chained budgie who has to ask permission to fly, and you’re chirpy about it.


A house, an income, a pair of nailclippers, joyful memories and long evenings spent snuggled together on the sofa; you share the lot now. Save yourself from positive feedback and destructive encouragement by gratuitously scoffing Percy Pigs in front of your spouse. Secretly save him one for the praise you now pathetically crave.

Regular sex

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