A NEW advent calendar released by the government allows Britons to count down until they are eligible to receive the coronavirus vaccine.
The calendar, to be rolled out across the whole country for December 1st, will give everyone the festive thrill of opening little doors until the big day when they can safely mix with others again.
Health secretary Matt Hancock, so convinced his days are numbered that he has not even tweeted to defend Priti Patel, said: “You people like advent calendars and that kind of shit, yeah?
“So go to the dot gov website, enter your details and by next weekend you’ll get your personalised calendar in the post.
“If you’re a healthcare worker, you’ll have a mere 24 windows to open until the big day. If you’re under 45 with no pre-existing condition, it’ll be wall-sized with 365 joyous windows to pop and enjoy.
“To make it more fun, every day will reveal a photograph of a Conservative MP. Who will it be tomorrow? Gareth Bacon, member for Orpington? Kemi Badenoch, member for Saffron Walden? Fun for the whole family.
“Better yet, the World Health Organisation has confirmed it’s safe to enjoy alongside your existing Celebrations, Lindt or gin calendar. What larks.”