A MAN is horrified to realise he has started making unusual grunting noises whenever he uses a urinal.
Nathan Muir had presumed that the creepy sighs of effort he had been hearing came from men in adjacent urinals, until he realised he could also hear them when he went for a piss at home.
Muir said: “Going for a slash used to be easy. I never thought I’d get to the stage where I’d have to strain so hard that I made noises like a Soviet shot putter.
“I have to clench hard enough to piss, but not so hard I soil myself. It’s like trying to rub your tummy and pat your head, but with significantly more jeopardy.
“Plus I have to pee more often now. I used to be able to down seven pints before I had to break the seal, but now I’m up in the night if I so much look at a can of lager before bedtime.
“Is this what ageing is? Even the simple shit demands grunts, groans and sighs of effort? If so count me out.”