Friday, 7th May 2021

MPs returning to parliament dangerous but f**k 'em, key workers agree

NHS workers and supermarket staff have agreed that as they are risking their lives then the MPs who order them to can bloody well do the same. 

Yesterday’s Commons vote was widely viewed as farcical, unnecessary and an assault on democracy, but also f**k them and they can get out in the world like everybody else has to.

Hospital porter Jordan Gardner said: “Let’s give our smug, overpaid politicians the chance to be heroes. See how they like it.

“Yes, they can’t really practice social distancing in parliament, sure, they had a working remote voting system, and obviously it’s only so Boris will get a few cheers for his shit bluster.

“But also? F**king get to work. You don’t want to? None of us want to. Maybe you’ll get track-and-trace sorted now you’ve got some skin in the game.

“And don’t worry. If you should happen to get COVID-19 and die, we’ll all line up to be in the papers saying ‘At least they lost their life doing what they loved.’”

MP Denys Finch Hatton said: “But you don’t understand. I’m important.”