Woman unsure if she is meditating or just bored

A WOMAN who recently took up meditation cannot tell if she has reached a higher spiritual plane or is just incredibly bored.

Emma Bradshaw, 28, started watching meditation videos on YouTube three weeks ago because it was a lot less effort than going to a yoga class.

Bradshaw said: “I wanted to get into the mindfulness movement because I have a very stressful job in some sort of marketing bullshit and I really need some ‘me’ time. Also, all my friends are doing it and I hate being left out.”

She added: “I sit on a cushion, close my eyes and do that weird thumb and finger together thing that spiritual people do in photographs, but beyond that I’m just guessing.

“I know I’m meant to focus on my breath but I pretty much instantly forget to do that and before I know it I’m thinking about crisps or Emmerdale.

“Sometimes I nearly fall asleep, but does that mean I’m blissfully relaxed or just so bored that my body has shut down? I have no idea.

“Apparently, the ultimate goal is to empty your mind of all thought and just exist in the now. I can do that for hours if I watch enough episodes of Storage Hunters, so I might just stick with that.”

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This part of Brexit movie will be a montage, says director

BREXIT is currently in the part of the film where nothing happens for a while so it will be a montage set to music, it has been confirmed.

The montage will feature shots of Theresa May making phone calls, followed by shots of Jean Claude Juncker and Angela Merkel making phone-calls, all set to The Winner Takes it All by Abba.

The film’s director, Emma Bradford said: “This bit will be pretty dull. As will the rest of the film to be honest.

“The trailer will be very loud and feature Margot Robbie even though she is not actually in the film.”

Bradford added: “For the sake of the plot, we’re hoping that at some point Nigel Farage will get arrested in America and becomes someone’s ‘bitch’ in prison.”