AIR Force One has been forced to return to the US after a mid-air bowel explosion briefly blacked out the windows.
The detonation, which occurred in the front of the plane where the POTUS and his staff sit, was apparently catastrophic enough to make the craft turn back mid-Atlantic for industrial cleaning by soldiers in Hazmat suits.
Journalist Ryan Whittaker, who was on the press section of Air Force One, said: “It happened without warning. A deafening wet splat and the windows in front of us were opaque with a dark, semi-viscous substance.
“It took a moment to work out it was ordure. The stench hit us first. Oxygen masks dropped. The woman next to me, from CNN, almost lost consciousness before I fumbled hers on.
“The electrics kept coming on and off because liquid faeces had got into the system and I’m told we dropped almost 10,000ft because the pilot was effectively blind.
“The journey back was hell. The odour was burning my skin. All I could hear up front were screams of ‘it got in my mouth’ from Marco Rubio, and a soft, blustering voice telling him he ‘should be honoured’.
“We landed and were ushered onto a new aircraft. All I know is that, as sure as there’s currently a Secret Service gun held to my head, it was nothing to do with President Trump.”
