Tuesday, 11th May 2021

America to gift France hideous new plastic church

AMERICA has decided to revive its old friendship with France by giving it a garish plastic megachurch for the middle of its capital city. 

The US has remembered the lovely metal statue that France gave it for New York harbour and decided to return the favour with a huge church by the designers of Disney World.

US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said: “The best thing is, because it’s plastic, we can prefabricate the whole thing off site. They’ll just wake up in the morning and it’ll be there.

“We’re thinking something like a fairytale castle but with big neon crosses all over it to show it’s a church, and of course the various sponsor’s logos.

“The spire will look just like a 300ft baguette – those dudes love baguettes – and the roof will be retractable, so it can host open-air church services and two NFL games per season.

“And just wait until they see the Hall of Animatronic Jesuses, all the way from baby Jesus through Teen Preacher Jesus to his final, climactic battle with the Romans on Golgotha Hill. It’s a real thrillride.”

President Emmanuel Macron said: “Wow. This is, as we French say, trés merde.”