Angel told nun he was really into her

AN Italian nun has given birth following a visitation from an angel who made her feel like she was the only sister in the world.

Sister Roxana said she was almost asleep when a glowing angel appeared who was both attentive and funny.

“He said his name was Gabriel and that I might have heard about him in the Bible.

“I said he should leave but he was like ‘it’s cool, I’m an angel so it’s fine. I was just having trouble sleeping so I thought I’d come and say hi, I’ve brought this bottle of wine.’

“Anyway we both had a small cupful and it turned about we had loads in common, for example religious beliefs.

“He told a funny story about some seraphim then he said my eyes were a very compelling shade of brown.”

She added: “I don’t remember so much about the rest of the evening but anyway I guess it’s cool being a mum. If anyone’s got any contact details for angels though that might be good.

“I expect he’ll call soon anyway, apparently it gets very busy in Heaven at this time of year, but anyway.”

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Richest 85 to buy poorest 3.5 billion

THE world’s richest people will purchase half the population in a deal worth trillions, it has been confirmed. 

Once the bank transfers have cleared, billions of people will be shipped off to their new owners for a variety of purposes as they see fit.

Sierra Leone pauper Wayne Hayes said: “A letter came through saying I had to go to a Japanese businessman’s mansion and that it was hoped that I liked balls, whatever that means.

“I have to make my own way there on foot and by stowing away in cargo holds because he clicked the Super Saver delivery option for me. I suppose it’s by looking after the pennies that he’s got to where he is today.

“I say goodbye to my family tonight – they are heading to Texas where they will make waterfall noises for the benefit of a 78-year-old petrochemicals magnate with prostate issues.”