Sunday, 16th May 2021

Britain distracted from troubles by vibrating orange clown

BRITAIN is to spend the next week pleasantly distracted from its ongoing political crisis by watching a touring orange clown. 

Instead of contemplating Tory leadership candidates, looming economic disaster or the state of public services, Britons will be delighted by the vibrating foreign clown and his clown family performing their antics. 

Nathan Muir, from Bedford, said: “Look, the clown’s trying to impress Prince Charles at a garden party by drinking more cups of tea than him.

“Now he’s visiting Westminster Abbey and telling everyone how he’s a better writer than Shakespeare and a better scientist than Isaac Newton.

“The wife clown is one of those mime ones who never says anything, and the daughter’s going to try to run Harrods but get it disastrously wrong. She opens the doors and floods Kensington at 3pm. 

“Now he’s got a bucket stuck on his foot but he’s telling the press he hasn’t. Now he’s fallen down the steps of Windsor Castle and got wedged in a window.”