Future of Western civilisation at stake thanks to me, says ‘proud’ Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has confirmed that the future of Western civilisation stands in the balance if it continues to elect imbecilic despots like himself. 

Trump, who first heard of Poland last week, will tell a country which has spent the majority of its history being invaded that it must have the ‘will to survive’.

The speech, which Trump will read as if attempting to prove he can, continues: “The fundamental question of our times is whether Western values will survive if Western voters continue to make fuckheaded decisions. 

“Will democracy perish if enough leaders are elected who hate it? The example I provide suggests definitely yes, and with ample justification. 

“Unless we stand strong against the enemies of Western democracy, the chief one of which I’m meeting tomorrow and plan to giggle girlishly at, then we are doomed. We are doomed.” 

Krzysztof Dudziak of Warsaw said: “A laughable, but still frightening, demagogue spouting some rabble-rousing tripe. It takes you back to 1939.”