Home of cannabis and prostitution draws the line at Marmite


A COUNTRY where cannabis and prostitution are legal and chemical weapons are analysed, has refused to have anything to do with Marmite.

Plans for Unilever to move its global headquarters to the Netherlands have been scrapped after the Dutch government threatened lead action against anyone involved in the distribution of yeast extract.

A Dutch government spokesman said: “We are a tolerant people. A little spliff? Sure. Selling your body? It happens. But this is just filth in a jar. How can you have this in your houses?

“You get all upset about Novichok being released in your historic city, but then you eat this? You’re weird.

“A Dutch person is calling you weird.”

The spokesman added: “We’re more than happy to give you a comprehensive free trade deal, with the exception of any trucks carrying Marmite. We will tip those into the sea.”