Tuesday, 11th May 2021

I concede I am thinning slightly on top, says Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has conceded that his hair is very slightly thinning on top, but that he will turn the tide with Regaine. 

The concession has shocked millions of Americans who firmly believed that Trump had the thickest head of hair in the nation and who have urged him never to give in to male pattern baldness.

The admission came through official sources, who were forced to admit that the luxuriantly-coiffed head of state had suffered a loss of hirsuteness while Trump tweeted ‘IT IS AS ABUNDANT AND VIGOROUS AS THE HAIR OF JASON MOMOA!’

Sophie Rodriguez of Michigan said: “It’s been obvious for some time that Trump was receding. Yes, the follicle counts by the mainstream media are biased, but official counts have now been certified and he’s losing it.”

But Trump supporter Josh Hudson of Kentucky said: “Fake news, bitch. Sure, in certain levels of harsh artificial light his scalp might be visible, but guess who controls the lighting? Bill Gates. And the Jews.

“If Trump’s hair is thinning, what else could be true? What if all those claims about him being a vain, moronic f**khead are accurate? What if Covid wasn’t just an election hoax by the Democrats? What if that’s why he always wears a hat?

“No. We must put all our faith in this Regaine effort. I personally am donating a hundred dollars. We can make his hair great again.”