BARACK Obama has admitted he was born in Kenya and ‘you can all go fuck yourselves’.
At a White House press conference, the soon to be former president confirmed he had thoroughly enjoyed his time in office and had been lying about his birth certificate all along.
He said: “Job done. Got to live here for eight years. It is a seriously nice place. I also had a huge plane and a helicopter and I could play golf whenever I wanted.”
He added: “Anyway, enjoy this total shitfest. I’m going to become a professor, or head of some big UN thing.”
President Obama then laughed and went back to watching a marathon session of Salvage Hunters and looking at a brochure for ‘one of those massive Audis’.