THE German people have agreed that if they can no longer conquer Europe with football, they will do it by military force.
Following last night’s 2-0 loss to England, Germany has accepted that its footballing dominance is waning and is ready to turn to more direct ways of ruling the continent.
Hans Kruse of Munich said: “For decades, we have channelled our natural Teutonic urge to dominate into football. And with four World Cups and three Euros, it’s gone well for us.
“But last night’s loss to the English and Bayern Munich’s failure in the Champions League means the era of German footballing supremacy is over, so we will go back to our other thing.
“Congratulations, England. You never gave up on your belief and have triumphed. Your example is an inspiration. We will not let our memories of 1918 and 1945 dishearten us. 76 years of hurt never stopped us dreaming.
“Soon the German flag will fly over the ruins of your cities and we shall regain our shattered national pride by laying waste to all Europe. Deutschland Uber Alles.
“Good luck against Ukraine, and I hope you make it to the final. No hard feelings, ja?”