Inside of Alex Jones's head 'like Hitler chatting to Yosemite Sam'

ALEX Jones is the result of an intense conversation between Adolf Hitler and the angry midget prospector, Yosemite Sam, psychiatrists have confirmed.

Brain experts leapt into action after millions of people saw Jones being interviewed by Piers Morgan and immediately asked what on earth was wrong with him.

Dr Martin Bishop said: “Like Hitler, the International Jewish Banking and/or Communist Conspiracy is the foundation stone of his meandering, psychotic paranoia.

“But it is mingled with the indomitable wild west spirit of the greatest outlaw philosopher north, south, east and west of the Pecos.

“I suspect that if we peer inside Alex Jones’s head when he is being quiet we would see either Hitler writing Mein Kampf in Landsberg prison, or Yosemite Sam being lifted into the air by firing his guns directly into the ground.

“I would not be surprised if Jones is writing a 3,000-page book about rabbits.”

Jones left Morgan almost speechless with his theory on how ‘international bankers’ want to take his guns and his gold, before advising the CNN presenter to ‘say his prayers’.

Bishop added: “Like Sam, Jones will never surrender his weapons despite being blown-up repeatedly by his own dynamite.

“But most importantly he will never admit defeat to a no-good, low-down, varmint. Who is also from New York. Like Woody Allen.”


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Pete Doherty too pretentious for the French


PETE Doherty is to be expelled from France for being excessively pretentious.

France’s Minister for Pretentiousness Jean-Claude Lambert said: “As a culture devoted to philosophy, absinthe and walking pet lobsters called Bertrand down the Champs-Elysees, we never imagined finding anyone too tediously self-regarding.

“But having seen Pete Doherty’s new film, we must admit that his glassy-eyed foppery is too much even for us – the French.

“We are returning him to the UK with the strong suggestion that you put him to work in a branch of Subway, or perhaps a pie factory.”