Iran Kicks America In The Nuts

IRAN was last night reassessing its decision to walk up to America and kick it squarely in the nuts.

Not in the nuts, for Christ's sake

Early yesterday the middle eastern country snuck up on the superpower, tapped it on the shoulder, applied a swift boot to the testicles and ran off.

But as America bent over double, clutching its groin, Iran and its friends were already questioning the wisdom of the crotch-based gesture of defiance.

According to diplomatic sources, Iran told Syria: "Did you see the size of that fucker? Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Yeah, this probably wasn't such a good idea after all."

One friend of the superpower said: "If there's one thing we know about America, love it or loathe it, you absolutely do not kick its balls."

America said last night: "Say hello to the USS Nimitz. Commissioned in 1975, it's 1000 feet long and 97,000 tons of fucking you up.

"Now I'm not saying we'll come out of this unscathed, but I'll tell you what – it'll be the worst 20 minutes of Iran's fucking life."

It added: "Have you not seen Iraq? America's not perfect, but at least we've still got roads, hospitals and thousands of gigantic supermarkets full of people who don't live in their own shit.

"And Iraq didn't even kick us in the nuts."