Saturday, 8th May 2021

Ireland to build bridge to France

IRELAND has confirmed it is beginning work on the Waterford-Caen overpass to link two countries that have yet to go mad. 

The bridge wil span 600km and go directly from Ireland to the French port of Caen, supported by enormous concrete pillars offshore of Devon and Dorset while not directly touching the pariah state of the UK at any point.

Taioseach Leo Varadkar said: “Perhaps the magnificent span of this bridge will become a tourist attraction in England. We don’t care. That’s not what it’s about.

“We have goods to sell, France and Germany and the rest have business to conduct, and we’re frankly sick of you lot getting in the way so we’re cutting out the middleman.

“Viewing galleries will be installed for our voyeuristic citizens to look down on the poor benighted tribes of the English, and we’ll even scatter crates of medicine to watch you fight for them.

“Otherwise the Franco-Gaelic Overpass will be off limits to Britons. You’ll hear our trucks blaring Vanessa Paradis and U2 as they pass, and pick up our discarded Tayto packets and Orangina bottles, but that’s all. Good luck with your Brexit thing.”

Taunton resident Roy Hobbs said: “I’m not happy about my house being in shadow 20 hours a day. I’m going to the EU court. Ah yeah. I forgot.”