Monday, 10th May 2021

Man on Amsterdam citybreak brings back more from Europe than Theresa May

A MAN returning from an Amsterdam citybreak has returned with more substantive benefits than Theresa May from Strasbourg. 

Nathan Muir, who flew out to the Netherlands capital on Friday, came back yesterday with a pair of decorative clogs, a pack of pornographic playing cards, and a box of windmill biscuits with more to come.

He said: “I wasn’t even trying and I’ve got more than a joint legally binding instrument.

“Strasbourg isn’t the ‘Dam, obviously. Doesn’t have all its relaxed laws. But I could have picked up one of those big round cheeses with no effort at all, and that would’ve had more chance of impressing the ERG.

“Plus, and this beats strengthened wording, I’ve got one-and-a-half grams of blueberry haze in a birthday card sent to a false name at my address. Gareth says they never check.

“If that gets through then there’s no doubt I’ve got far more than she’s managed and in a single trip. Take a leaf from my book, Mrs May.”

Muir has, unknown to him, also brought back a case of crab lice the benefits of which he will pass on to several other Britons.