A SENIOR position has become vacant within the Iranian government, which may be a lateral move but would look excellent on your CV. Here’s the listing:
The job
Tehran, Iran. Full-time, temporary for 12 months. 0 applicants. Posted: 1 day ago
Proactive self-starter required to manage security of Middle East theocracy during exciting period of restructuring.
Your role
Key tasks will be: oversee costly war of attrition against vastly superior military, avoid complete collapse of Iranian society, organise annual office bonding brunch.
You will develop an effective communications strategy to promote the goals of our authoritarian regime. As support, your key adversary will be an insufferable orange narcissist who would very much like to move on from his error.
Some working from bunkers and being moved between secure locations when you think you hear an Israeli drone approaching will be required.
Who you are
Ideally you will have a strong interest in avenging the death of martyrs with American blood and a firm grasp of the operational range of Shahed drones. Experience of spreadsheets and managing a small office kitchen a plus.
You will attend ‘meet and greet’ events with the public, so the role would suit a people person, although one comfortable with having protesters executed. We pride ourselves on being a sectarian employer so non-Shia Muslims need not apply.
A proven track record of thinking outside the box and an ability to circle back to identify low-hanging fruit will be an advantage, because you cannot escape that bullshit even in Iran.
Salary and conditions
You will not receive a formal salary but will be encouraged to build up your own secretive financial empire, siphoning oil wealth into a range of accounts and ventures.
All staff are entitled to a generous six weeks of paid leave, although currently this must be taken within the country.
