Obama hospitalised with bitten tongue

BARACK Obama has been released from hospital after biting his tongue too hard around Donald Trump.

After showing President-elect Trump how door handles work and calling for calm amongst people who assume he’s a Kenyan terrorist, Obama will wear a surgical tongue guard for the remainder of his presidency.

A White House source said: “Once President Trump is sworn in, Barack plans to spend a month or two in the South Carolina woods, miles away from the nearest swear jar, screaming his head off.”

Obama’s health has suffered since the election result, developing arthritis in his hands as he clenches and unclenches them at the thought of what the country has done to itself.

He was finally hospitalised yesterday after taking a call from Trump asking if he had a mobile number for the superhero Iron Man.

Aides say he stood motionless for a moment after the phone dropped from his hand and blood poured from his pursed lips as his left eyebrow twitched like an electrocuted caterpillar.