DEVASTATED by Ukraine’s invasion but left feeling impotent? It’s time to hit back by using the full force of your middle-class powers:
Tear up your Tchaikovsky tickets
Your precocious son Ignatius was so looking forward to the Russian State Ballet’s performance of Swan Lake, until the invasion. Then, even though he’s six, he piped up: ‘Mummy, I think posting our torn-up tickets on Instagram will send a powerful anti-imperialist message of solidarity.’ Wise words from one so young.
Question the origins of your host’s jelly vodka
It may seem rude, but it’s time we all paid more attention to the ethical sourcing of our witty after-dinner tipples. How are we going to take down Putin if we don’t all make little sacrifices like switching the Stolichnaya for Grey Goose?
Give your Estonian au pair a pay rise
Liisu has suffered so from this war. Your children now sounding Slavic because they spend so much time with her is just so precious. She may not be directly from Ukraine but her country probably borders it, so pay up then boast about it. To be the bigger person.
Divest your portfolio
Call your broker and demand they sell your shares in Gazprom, Yandex and Lada. Ignore protestations that it isn’t that simple and insist they get it done. Listen with interest as they advise that your returns could treble in a year if you stay in. End the call inconclusively.
Downgrade your company’s private box at Chelsea
Might seem a little extreme at first but it’s the right thing to do and somebody has to take a moral stand. Anyway, now they’re heading back to being the club that won nothing in the 1970s they don’t have the same cachet, and it leaves extra cash for a round of Bloody Marys.
Only sail on sustainable superyachts
It’s marvellous that Germany is impounding superyachts, but flying is unconscionable in the climate change emergency. So if offered a trip to Dubai on an oligarch’s boat only accept on the grounds of reducing your carbon footprint, and make sure to lecture your host on how Putin’s actions aren’t cricket while admiring his Pollocks.