SYRIANS are having a typical Monday, it has been confirmed.
For the 244th Monday in a row, the middle eastern country was awoken by the sound of explosions, before being oppressed by a range of maniacs.
Adnan, from Raqqa, said: “We live in a bit that’s controlled by Islamic State. So it will be a few bombs, a power cut and someone being thrown off a building because he looks a bit gay.
“The rest of the week is broadly similar.”
He added: “It’s okay, you get used to it. Then again, if someone, somewhere feels like sorting it the fuck out, that would be excellent.”
Yana, from Aleppo, said: “So I watched Groundhog Day. Funny. And I could relate to it even though it’s Bill Murray trying to woo Andie Macdowell in a small town in Pennsylvania, rather than raising three kids in a hellhole.
“I’d like to mix things up a bit, but that would involve travelling a thousand miles and then having to prove that me and my children are not psychopaths.