‘That big blonde lad called you a bunch of nonces’ Hunt tells Iran

JEREMY Hunt has told Iran that the big blonde lad over there called them nonces who would not have the b*llocks to officially declare war on Britain.

The foreign secretary told Iranian diplomats that he personally had not said anything bad about them but his predecessor in the post was always bad-mouthing them, laughing at them behind their backs and dissing Allah.

He continued: “Hey, hey, these aren’t my words. I’m just neutrally reporting to you what Boris Johnson has said. Him, over there.

“And he said that the Ayatollah did it with goats, and oil’s rubbish, and Iranian cinema’s not as great as the Guardian cracks it up to be.

“And he’s going to appoint a new minister for Islamic relations and it’ll be Salman Rushdie.”