DONALD Trump has confirmed that the next four years are going to be as fucked up as his campaign.
After being sworn in as the Republic candidate for 2020, a furious, foaming Trump told a rally in Washington that he is going to do a series of things that cannot possibly happen.
Waving his weird, tiny hands as if he was controlled by a slightly drunk puppeteer, Candidate Trump said: “I hate America. It’s a really, really bad place.
“But don’t worry because four years from now you will all be rich, thin and famous. So famous. So famous.”
He added: “If anyone tries to stop me, I know you, the great multi-coloured American people, will want me to have them killed in a really spectacular fashion. It will be so amazing.”
After speaking for almost 28 times longer than his normal attention span, Trump declared: “I am bored of talking to you now and I really need to urinate.”