Trump sacks everyone who doesn’t look like a recently-reanimated corpse

DONALD Trump has fired all officials who lack the blank-eyed stare of the undead.

President Trump confirmed that he would only work with unblinking barrel-chested freaks who appeared to have just climbed from a crypt to do his bidding.

He said: “These are great people. Top people. Undead people.

“Look at their empty eyes and their heavy, limp limbs. These guys aren’t going to disobey their master.

“You tell them to hide in a bush all night beside a lonely road waiting to ambush a traveller, they’ll do it.

“You tell them to bring you a beautiful woman whose picture you’ve just pointed at in a magazine, they’ll do it.”

He added: “I’ve got this one guy, he’s called Rince Pubis or something. That’s hilarious.”