DONALD Trump has started his day by idly crossing off countries on a map of the world.
Trump sat down at 8am, rolled out a map and then thoughtlessly began ‘firing’ countries that ‘aren’t America’.
Trump said, “I crossed Iran off first for obvious reasons. I’m not sure what they are but I assume they’re obvious to most.
“Next I crossed off Ireland as the way I see it, they’re only two letters from being radicalised into Iranland and that’s something that I don’t think any of us wants.”
“Costa Rica, that can go too.”
After Trump had finished deciding what countries would still exist by 2018, he then called Vladimir Putin ‘just for a chat’ but was told by his secretary that the Russian President was busy but would definitely call him back when he got a spare five minutes.
Trump added: “I mean I was just ringing up to shoot the shit really but no, it’s totally cool, we can chat later.”