PRESIDENT-ELECT Donald Trump has confirmed plans to deport 318 million non-Native American immigrants.
As part of a wider plan to restore America’s old values of shamanism, living in cone-shaped tents and going on vision quests, Trump will remove anyone who is less than 50 per cent Native American, including his family and himself.
He said: “We have forgotten the tribal values that made this nation great. We have lost our connection with nature and no longer even fear the Wendigo, the mighty shape-shifter who comes with the winds.
“By 2017 there will be buffalo back on all the plains, Kevin Costner is going to help me and I will scalp anyone who stands in my way.”
Trump voter, Martin Bishop said: “This is exactly what we wanted from Trump.
“Kick all the foreigners out, including me, my wife, kids and everyone I know. It’s Brexit plus plus plus.”
He added: “The antelope is my spirit animal.”