THE United States and Europe have warned Vladimir Putin to watch his post box for a passive-aggressive bombshell.
President Obama and European leaders revealed they had a wide range of powerful phrases at their disposal which can communicate peevishness without being overtly provocative.
A White House spokesman said: We could say something like, oh, we didnt know you were going to invade Ukraine, maybe someone forgot to tell us.
Or theres, these days we tend to do things via the United Nations – its in New York, so you probably didnt know about it.
And, of course, theres always, were not trying to tell you what to do, were just trying to help.
But that one is very aggressive so we would probably use that in the second letter if he throws the first one in the bin.
A Kremlin spokesman said: President Putin greatly enjoys receiving letters from effeminate Western men. He likes to read them out in a high-pitched voice.
This sounds like it could be a really good one.
From the Vaults…
‘I crush you’ by Vladimir Putin