THE president has departed so we can cease pretending adoration and get out all those things we’d tided away, like our consciences. What are you returning to view?
Brigadier Andrew Jackson: “As Master of the Jewel Office, I can get the Crown Jewels out of the vault we’d popped them in in case he took a shine to them. And Prince Andrew out of his.”
Susan Traherne, overlocker: “My mother’s Lladro figures. I didn’t think he’d take them, they’re too tasteful, but he’s a big fat man in an ill-fitting suit and I thought he might knock them off.”
Steve Malley, Conservative councillor: “God, can I do black tar heroin again? Great. My shakes are worse than after the Coronation.”
Nigel Farage, demagogue: “Allowing the resentment I’d bottled up at him not inviting me to the banquet to well up and poison my dying star of a heart before releasing it in policy.”
Roy Hobbs, costermonger: “You don’t understand, Tommy’s march and this in a week was gammon Christmas. And now the dejected flags and bunting hang limp, bereft in Starmer’s Britain.”
