WORLD War Three has arrived just when you were busy with your pathetic little Twitter argument and fitness plan, it has confirmed.
Russia has invaded Ukraine, sparking a conflict in which the EU, USA and China will inevitably take sides, at the very moment you were wondering whether to get a garden hammock for summer.
Nathan Muir of Hitchin said: “Aw, f**k. And I was just about to get into artisanal rums.
“I thought I’d at least have time to launch my own YouTube channel before ordinary life as I knew it was blown to shreds never to return by harsh geopolitical realities.
“I guess there won’t be time to whinge on Reddit about PS5 games not running at 60fps when my kids are being drafted, petrol’s rationed and I’m boarding up the windows before the hypersonic missiles arrive. Shame. That was how I was spending tonight.”
Grace Wood-Morris, 22, agreed: “This is horribly inconvenient. I haven’t even had my nails done, and suddenly none of that shit matters and half my generation won’t survive the next decade. Downer.
“First Covid, now this? It’s almost like I lived in a world of illusions that are being ripped away and the next 25 years will be one long, painful lesson in brutal reality.
“Whatever. Teen Mom: Family Reunion’s on MTV tonight. I’m going to watch that.”