SCARLETT Johansson has defined the modern world as a battle between SodaStream and evil.
The actress quit as an Oxfam ambassador and accused the aid organisation of blocking SodaStreams campaign to bring cheap, homemade fizzy drinks to millions of poor people.
And she insisted that SodaStreams factory in the occupied West Bank was humanitys last, best hope against ugly, extremist charities.
Johansson said: Unlike Oxfam and terrorism, the SodaStream farty noise makes me giggle every time.
When Im all hot and sticky, nothing cools me down like SodaStream. I love to giggle and make SodaStream while I prance around in just my underpants.
Oxfam hates freedom and refreshment and does not look good in underpants.
Johansson added: Give a man a bottle of lemonade and he drinks for a day. Give him a SodaStream and he drinks lemonade for life.
As long as he has a fresh water supply and no-one bulldozes his house.