Book of baby names includes all the made-up ones

A COUPLE looking through a book of baby names have complained that it includes unacceptable choices like Titty, Krane, Marlboro and McGeorge.  

The Definitive Book of Baby Names, marketed as a respectable handbook for parents-to-be, does not even get through the first few letters of the alphabet before suggesting Aston, Blanka and Demelza.

Pregnant mother Susan Traherne said: “I wanted help. Instead my husband’s decided that Volstagg is a perfectly acceptable name and this book’s backing him up.

“What possible use is a book that legitimises idiotic names like Xena and Maverick? Actual children could end up being called this stuff. It should be banned.”

Author Julian Cook said: “Every baby name has a history behind it. Some come from old English, some go as far back as Latin and others appear when predictive text goes wrong.

“Look, we were contracted to produce 300 pages of this stuff, and it’s pointless because all the good names are obvious and all the bad ones are easy to invent.

“Don’t go blaming us just because you called your child Skylar. That was your decision.”

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Woman shocked to discover she likes IPA

A WOMAN was shocked to find she actually enjoys the taste of a craft beer IPA, she has confirmed. 

Mary Fisher tried the high-gravity beer after partner Martin Bishop forgot to buy her usual bottle of rosé and was surprised that it was genuinely pleasurable.

She said: “I liked it. I mean, I really liked it.

“Martin’s been stocking the fridge with all these bottles of IPA, with their fancy labels and stupid names, for years and I never bothered trying them. Why would I?

“I’d heard all these macho things about how ‘hoppy’ it is, and that it keeps you awake and that only bikers and truckers like it, but I thought I’d give it a go and turns out it’s way less pissy than ordinary beer.

“I joked to Martin that I might just switch to drinking his cans from now on and he joked that I wasn’t allowed to touch them, but I wasn’t actually joking. But he was.”

Bishop said: “This is like when Chris’s girlfriend watched a football match and thought she was into football and wanted to talk about football and watch football. They split up.

“It wasn’t a joke. Those IPAs are mine.”