Family admits 'staycation' was incredibly stupid idea

A FAMILY who thought it would be fun to stay home instead of going away on holiday has admitted it was a shit idea.

The Palmers, from Stevenage, were just two days into their summer ‘staycation’ when they realised they should have gone to Spain, France or Cornwall like normal, vaguely intelligent people.

Mrs Palmer said: “The idea was to spend some quality family time together without the hassle of going away. What a prize fucking idiot I truly am.

“I wish I was drunk. On a beach.

“On my own.”

Mr Palmer said: “I have made a big salad. I have cycled along a woodland trail. I have been to Blenheim Palace.

“I was incredibly drunk and wearing shorts while doing all of those things, but it’s still a lot of piss.”

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Britain hit by entirely typical weather

BRITAIN will experience a lot of rain over the next few weeks because that is what happens at this time of year.

Meteorologists believe that summer, a spell of wet days commonly defined as a season, will be more or less exactly what you would expect.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The amount of water on the ground will increase significantly and some places may experience far too much water.

“People who live in low lying areas may have quite a lot of water in their living rooms.

“The transport system will be disrupted.

“Because it’s summer.”

He added: “There’s a high probability that this will be followed by another sudden, weather-related phenomenon known as autumn.”

Housewife Nikki Hollis said: “In case of floods, buy a step ladder, meanwhile carry an umbrella, wear a hat, or just stay inside.”