Five bullsh*t old wives’ tales idiots still believe in

DO you have an intellectually challenged friend or relative who absolutely will not give up their belief that carrots give you night vision? Here is some other rubbish to ignore.

White wine removes red wine from a pale carpet

If you’ve ever woken up hungover with a vague recollection of trying this after getting sh*tfaced at home, you should know that all it does is produce a muddy brown stain and a lingering sense of self-disgust.

Cracking your knuckles gives you arthritis

Scientists have never found any evidence to suggest that one causes the other, but there is a large body of indisputable anecdotal evidence that it is really f*cking annoying.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

It must have been great living in the days before everyone was so scared of cancer and heart disease they felt obliged to force down five items of fruit and vegetables a day, but sadly this isn’t true. It just rhymes.

Bad things come in threes

Clearly mumbo jumbo, especially now we live in times where bad things come constantly in one long hideous stream called 24-hour news. Also assumes some malevolent supernatural force is in charge of bad things and hates even numbers like 2, 4 or 8.

Picking up a penny will bring luck

Picking a penny up from the pavement will not bring good luck, because that is superstitious nonsense, but it may bring a host of unpleasant diseases and quite possibly some dog poo.