IN happier times geeks could uniformly be considered unattractive, friendless virgins, but in these post-internet days fandoms have got sexy with these objects:
Come on, it’s happened. When Doctor Who finally made the subtext text and admitted the Doctor has boned every single one of his companions – even Adric – fans stopped pretending their replica screwdriver was for opening doors. It’s been up there multiple times, before being rinsed and replaced on its stand.
The officially licenced lightsaber dildo will come, but the replicas do the job. Whether Luke’s ribbed classic, Mace Windu’s elegantly contoured purple-headed hipster favourite or Darth Maul’s double-ender, there’s one for your sexual needs. Hardcore fan? Visit Disneyland Florida and they’ll build you a custom one. Tell them what it’s for.
Harry Potter’s Nimbus 2000
The fastest Quidditch broomstick on the market? That Harry rode to triumph after triumph, always able to locate and tame the elusive Golden Snitch? Once the Harry Potter fans grew up and realised what they’d been reading, is it any wonder they tried it for themselves?
The only intentionally penis-shaped thing on the list and the least appealing, the alien from Alien was designed by HR Giger to look like a dick. With teeth. Which one? Ladies, the stage two xenomorph, better known as the Chestburster, is your next dildo. Gents, don’t deny you’ve already thought about putting it in a Facehugger.
The Infinity Gauntlet
Lie on your hand until it’s numb, don your replica Infinity Gauntlet with full complement of stones, and pretend Thanos is wanking you off. Until the Snap.