HOLIDAYS are tedious exercises in over-preparation that cost you a fortune. Here are five items you pack every year and never f**king touch.
Thanks to all the travel time and inevitable hanging around in airports, you’re bound to make progress on that book which has been gathering dust on your bedside table, right? Incorrect. It will stay firmly wedged at the bottom of your suitcase and take up valuable space for duty-free booze. Bin it now.
A ball-ache of an expense but a worthwhile one, or so you say to yourself before every holiday as you reluctantly piss away another couple of tenners. You never need it though because you spend the entirety of your vacation sitting by the hotel swimming pool and wishing you were at home watching TV. Live a little by neglecting to buy it next time.
An extra 30 pairs of pants
You’re only going away for a long weekend, so five pairs of pants will easily keep you covered. What if you get the shits on the flight though? And what if half a dozen pairs mysteriously vanish? These must be the scenarios that run through your head while packing because you’ve got enough underwear to last a month. And they’re all moth-eaten.
Basic foreign phrases
Having idly flicked through a phrase book while on the toilet, you’re equipped with a rudimentary number of foreign phrases that make a toddler seems eloquent by comparison. Rather than doing the polite thing by trying to use them in conversation though, you’ll mumble, stutter, then just speak English slowly and loudly. It’s what everyone expects.
The ability to relax
Every holiday you’ll think this will finally be put into use, and every holiday you’re proven wrong. If you’re not getting stressed out about getting to the airport on time, you’ll be worried that you’re not making the most of your precious time off. You’d have a more relaxing time just staying at work and doing a really half-arsed job.