ARE you planning to give presents that clearly required no thought or effort to people you don’t really care about? Try these:
Mini-puzzles and games
For example, a pocket-sized set of cards entitled ‘Professor Puzzler’s Ultimate Cocktail Quiz’. Clearly you do not give a bugger whether the game is ever played and were already at the tills and unwilling to spend more than two quid.
Film that everyone has seen
Nothing says ‘this is a token gesture’ like a DVD of a film the recipient is 99.99 per cent to have seen. Introduce them to neglected cinematic classics like The Shawshank Redemption, Die Hard 3 or Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Inflatable travel pillow
Or indeed anything mildly useful but is incredibly dull. Other grimly tedious gift ideas include gardening gloves, a set of coasters, an egg-poaching device, a small corkboard or, to really show your indifference, a hand-turned wooden shoehorn.
Tiny amount of alcohol with a glass
All supermarkets sell gift sets of a miniature and a glass with the logo on. These provide an unsatisfying hit of two units of alcohol and imply the recipient has a frankly weird loyalty to Harveys Bristol Cream.