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Going travelling when you're 40 not a sign life is going well

A 40-YEAR-OLD man has insisted that quitting his job, moving his stuff into storage and going travelling to find himself is definitely not a sign that his life has quietly derailed.

Digital sales co-ordinator Julian Cook claims his decision to cash in his entire life in favour of living out of a backpack in locations where nobody knows him shows his questing, independent spirit, not that he has nothing to lose. 

Cook said: “I’m selling everything I own to fund the trip. Who needs a lifetime of accumulated possessions, anyway? Not me. 

“This has nothing to do with my still being single, or failing to get promoted, or not being able to get a mortgage or any of that materialist stuff. I just think there’s more to life, you know? 

“I’m going alone for spiritual reasons, and because it’s more free, and yeah, I suppose that means I can reinvent myself and my past and tell bronzed Aussie surfer girls I’m called Coyote, but that’s not the point or anything. 

“It’ll be great. Wind in my hair – what’s left of it – sand between my toes and there’s no way a random desperate drunk Englishman on the verge of middle-age will get robbed or conned.

“Hostels are downright luxurious now and I’m so young at heart that all the 18-year-old backpackers will be delighted to hang out with me. They won’t judge like women here do. Also the locals will love me, not least in countries with a low GDP.”

“This isn’t running away, it’s reconnecting with who I really am. I just hope that’s not who I am now, only sweatier, poorer and wearing elephant-print trousers.” 

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Train companies informed that passengers may wish to travel on weekends

RAIL operators are horrified to learn the unreasonable, demanding f**kers who call themselves ‘passengers’ expect to use their services at weekends. 

Reasons given for Saturday and Sunday journeys were largely frivolous, including such fripperies as ‘going shopping’ or ‘to see friends’ rather than reasons which matter like ‘I must go to my job or I will be fired’.

Rail executive Martin Bishop said: “And what about if we want a break? We can’t have one because of your leisure travel? Hardly fair.

“After a tough five days not being that late, on average, we like to sit back and let the buses do the heavy lifting. It’s not like people are in a hurry when they’re off work, is it? The nine hour bus journey from Durham to Bath is an opportunity for mindfulness.

“We put on a couple of Saturday services for trainspotters and otherwise we baselessly claim engineering work. But apparently there’s a demand, and those people on the platforms aren’t taking down numbers but are a family from Kettering with tickets for Mamma Mia.

“I suppose we could add a couple, but don’t people enjoy the shite Sunday service for the sake of tradition? Like shops closing early or Songs of Praise? What are you having a long-distance relationship for, anyway? Rethink it.

“No, on the whole I think we’re more comfortable transporting you to places of misery because you have no option but to be there. We don’t want our commuters getting ideas.”

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