Wednesday, 19th February 2020

Homegrown weed shit again

A MAN’S homegrown weed has turned out to be absolutely unsmokeable crap yet again, his friends have confirmed.

Nathan Muir has been lovingly raising his marijuana crop in his spare room, using seeds from Amsterdam and UV lights on a motorised tracking system, only to produce the usual dry green leaves with barely a hint of THC.

Friend Tom Booker said: “What’s the opposite of green fingers? That’s Nathan.

“Other people produce decent homegrown. My mate Simon once put a couple of seeds from some crappy ditchweed in a plant pot and produced a plant glistening with crystals. We lost three months.

“But Nathan, bless him, puts in the time and effort, follows all the tips online, tends them carefully and even leaves 6 Music on for them during the day. Then we get a bag of dry brown buds that wouldn’t get a hamster high.

“It is absolutely standard-setting homegrown. The police could use this as the baseline above which any weed grown is illegal. It’s not even any good as hemp.”

Booker added: “We’ll still smoke it though. It’s easier than scoring.”