Monday, 6th July 2020

Late night trip to Tesco still oddly thrilling

GOING to a supermarket at 4am is strangely exciting and edgy even though it is just full of knackered people stacking shelves, it has been confirmed. 

Despite large supermarkets being open 24-hours for many years, shoppers still enjoy feeling like naughty criminals who have broken in as they prowl the aisles in the middle of the night.

Nathan Muir said: “When I was a young stoner we dreamed of being able to go to Tesco at 3am to buy Rizlas and an abnormal number of Twixes, but we had to do a six-mile round trip to the nearest petrol station instead.

“So even now I’m a 40-year-old father of three and just going in to buy emergency nappies because our littlest one has sh*t all over the place, I still get a sense of illicit triumph that I’m in a shop when I’m not meant to be.

“Of course, any pleasure is soon extinguished by interacting with the poor sods who have to put tins of Pedigree Chum on shelves at an unearthly hour, like some retail-based legion of the damned. 

“But to be honest I’d rather do that than clean up baby sh*t, so it’s swings and roundabouts really.”