A 49-YEAR-OLD man closes his eyes and imagines he is in an endless B&Q whenever he is stressed.
If life becomes too much for father-of-three Joe Turner, he takes a deep breath in through his nose and transports himself to an imaginary hardware store with aisles that extend into eternity.
Turner said: “I tried going to yoga classes but was too stressed about accidentally farting to find it in any way relaxing. Then I discovered this meditation technique, pioneered by Nick Knowles.
“It’s based on a combination of controlled breathing, mental projection and intensive time spent in local B&Qs to help me better create an image of my soothing DIY safe place. What could be more calming than strolling through an endless aisle of skirting boards?
“Now if I’m stressing out about work or my kids are giving me grief I can just shut my eyes, enter my happy space and I’m instantly browsing infinite packets of every sized wingnut you could imagine. Bliss.”
Turner’s wife Charlotte said: “Admittedly he’s calmer, but at least when he used to bugger off to a real B&Q to destress he’d pick me up a Costa on the way home. Now I just get to look at his stupid zen face.”