Mum measures success of playdates by how pissed she gets

A MOTHER judges her children’s playdates to have gone well if she has consumed at least two large glasses of wine.

Emma Bradford, 37, confessed to not being overly bothered if her children develop their social and emotional skillsets with peers as long as she gets to sink half a bottle of Malbec.

She said: “The best way for kids to learn is to shut them in a room together and stick my head in every half-hour to shout something stern about ‘sharing’.

“And the best way for me to get on with another mum is to really have a good chat about schools and all that shit while sharing a bottle of wine. Or two, if we’re getting on really well.

“Bonus points if the other parent is willing to let them bingewatch My Little Pony while we go out the back for a quick fag.

“It’s not important whether they ‘get on’ with their playmates. They need to learn at some point that interacting with other humans without alcohol is frustrating and unpleasant, so why not start now?”

Bradford’s seven-year-old daughter Amelia, said: “I like going on playdates because afterwards mummy lets us have Haribo for tea.”