New mother giving up work to post photos of child full-time

A NEW mother has confirmed she has abandoned her career in order to focus on posting photos of her child full-time. 

32-year-old Sophie Rodriguez previously worked as a solicitor, but after becoming a mum realised her true purpose in life is flooding social media with images of her son Archie in hats.

Rodriguez said: “I know some women will judge me for having a law degree and not going back to work. But then I thought ‘Why sit bored in an office all day when my true passion is uploading 48 almost identical pics of Archie?’ 

“Being a stay-at-home mum isn’t easy. There’s Instagram, Twitter and Facebook to take care of, not to mention coming up with captions and putting the second-rate snaps on family WhatsApp groups. 

“I suppose I could post from work, but can a woman really have it all? It’d mean having a babysitter at home fulfilling my role and she might get the lighting wrong.

“I may have left my job, but I’ve gained something more valuable – a brand based around someone who can’t yet run away from my camera phone. And my followers love this content, which is always great, aside from that one man in Norfolk who thought the baby was for sale.”

Rodriguez’s partner Tom Logan said: “She’s always been into her photos. Before Archie, she was running an Instagram account supposedly by our poodle, referring to herself as its ‘hooman’. So the options were either having a child or having her sectioned.”

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Man repeatedly cheating gives girlfriend the ick

A MAN has caused his girlfriend to suddenly find him unattractive by repeatedly sleeping with other women behind her back.

Lauren Hewitt has been overwhelmed by feelings of irrational but intense disgust towards boyfriend Jack Browne after coming home from work to find him shagging another woman who is not her.

Hewitt said: “I know it sounds trivial, but finding Jack in the throes of sweaty passion with another woman completely turns me off him. I don’t care if that makes me sound shallow.

“Every couple has those little quirks their partners find strangely infuriating, like leaving the toilet seat up or chewing with their mouth open. Mine just happens to be catching Jack thrusting away with female workmates, my cousin and the barmaid from our local.

“Perhaps it’s the way he’s always red in the face and shouting her name – that always looks really silly. Or maybe it’s because he messes up the lovely clean sheets by getting sweat and bodily fluids all over them. That’s enough to tick anyone off.

“It doesn’t help that he knows his shagging winds me up but he keeps sleeping around anyway. I guess I just need to learn to put up with it. Relationships are all about compromise after all.”

Browne said: “I know exactly where Lauren’s coming from. The way she cuts up her food repulses me, but we have to tune out our icks for the sake of the relationship.”