Sunday, 9th August 2020

Six haircuts that say 'I was so excited to get to the hairdresser that I panicked'

HAIRDRESSERS are open again, so here’s six styles that say ‘I was so focused on getting there first I didn’t think about what I wanted then buckled under pressure’: 

The pixie cut

When you’ve nabbed an appointment the first weekend back you know that you need to make a statement. But, though so much is different in this post-lockdown world, the fact remains that nobody can pull this off even with a mask covering half their face.

The short fringe

Unable to articulate your feelings when asked ‘How have you been?’, you pointed to a truly dreadful cut to sum it up and then got given it. At least it could stop everyone talking about pubs long enough to congratulate you on your ‘bold’ choice.

The mullet

Confronted by your hairdresser in their full PPE, your mind harks back to happier times. Like a few months ago, when Tiger King was massive and we thought this might all be over by June. Expect ‘business in front, party in back’ to become a government slogan within weeks.

The bleached look

You had the self-restraint not to try bleaching your hair at home, so you rewarded yourself by getting it done the moment it was possible. Hideously expensive, wildly misjudged given your skin tone, and ready for your roots to be visible right through either the second wave or your upcoming unemployment.

The work-in-progress

You tried to cut it yourself. It went horribly wrong. You got your partner to do it. It was even worse. Now your clearly traumatised hairdresser has had to go in and sort it out into something that will apparently be okay when grown out but currently looks dangerously experimental.

Just a trim

You booked before realising you will continue to have little reason to look nice. Make all the arguments about split ends you want, but in your heart of hearts you know you’ve wasted the most exciting thing that will happen for months. At least mullets have character.