NOT every chore is necessary. Many are pointless busywork invented by bored obsessives making problems for themselves to triumphantly solve. Skip these guilt-free:
Dusting
Most dust is made up of dead skin cells: that means it’s you. Why are you cleaning up yourself from your own flat? It’s not an AirBNB, you don’t have to remove every personal touch in case strangers masturbate over them. Luxuriate in your own personalised environment. Until it looks like you breed moths, then give it a cursory wipe.
Recycling glass
Glass? That beautiful, transparent material which looks so beguiling with the sunlight shining through? Why get rid of it when you can DIY a magical windowsill kaleidoscope of empty Becks bottles and Marmite jars? Every dawn will be like waking up beneath the rose window of Notre Dame.
Mowing the lawn
It’s not good for bees, it’s not good for your arms, it’s no way to begin a hungover Sunday. Rewild your garden by doing absolutely bugger all and soon you’ll have waist-high grass and the same pride in yourself as an eco-warrior you would have had by voting Green, if you hadn’t forgotten. Also great for concealing litter.
Bleaching anything
Bacteria is a living thing which may, you’re able to believe because you haven’t looked it up, have civilisations as advanced as ours but smaller. How would you feel if Cardiff got wiped out by a giant wielding a bottle of Toilet Duck? Not cool, man. You don’t deserve to live more than the black mould between your bathroom tiles does.
Ironing
Nobody wants to look like the uptight office square, reporting others for being unpunctual and never invited for drinks, but if you let an iron press your clothes that’s who you are. Let the creases in. They’re a sign your clothes have lived, seen the sun, and been on the floor of several mandala-decorated bedrooms.
Making the bed
“I have tidied this all up. Now I will leave it, and the room it is within, for 12-16 hours until I return to it and immediately render that task entirely pointless.” Some versions also include the addition and subtraction of multiple throw cushions.
