THERE are some things in life you wish you were loaded enough to pay someone else to deal with. These will make you angry you’re not a millionaire:
Looking after your kids
After four hours of your toddler refusing to sleep, clawing at your eyes and kicking you in the throat, you begin see logic in the Kardashian-West approach. That is, throw money at the problem and employ a gaggle of nannies to raise your children while you go shopping.
Taking the rubbish out
There’s nothing like an unedifying tussle with a leaky, overstuffed rubbish bag to make you wish you were a shrewd dotcom billionaire who made a killing in the noughties and hasn’t looked at a bin since. Instead, here you are, in your pants, chasing the refuse lorry down the street at 6.14am.
Finding a parking space
If only you’d tried harder in school, this would be your chauffeur’s problem, and he’d be pulling your Rolls Royce into the entrance of a top Monte Carlo casino to drop you off. Instead, you’ve spent 25 minutes driving round the car park of a soft play centre, weeping as you try to find a spot for your battered Citroën Saxo.
Using public transport
Public transport is definitely only for the plebs. Block out the selection of lunatics that are always on every bus and train by daydreaming about being a Russian oligarch on a private jet or yacht. Yes, you’d be forever indebted to the shadowy world of Putin and the Kremlin, but at least you wouldn’t be on the 468 bus to South Croydon.
Cooking can be a relaxing, therapeutic experience. Sometimes. More often than not, though, it’s a miserable, resentful attempt to make something vaguely edible from the few paltry ingredients you have in, in the shortest possible time. Imagine never having to ask ‘What shall we have for dinner?’ again because your private chef decides for you. Bliss.