Sunday, 7th June 2020

Tattoo artist has moment of self-doubt about making people look shit

A TATTOO artist has had the disturbing thought that every customer looks worse, not better, after visiting him.

Tom Booker, who has been covering people in hideous permanent doodles for the last decade, suddenly realised that anyone who likes to look good should not use his services.

Booker said: “I’d just finished tattooing a picture of Ed Sheeran on a woman’s boob where his eye was a nipple and I thought, ‘What the fuck am I doing?’

“I’d given her an image I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. She thinks it’s a laugh now, but I used to think that about my eyebrow ring until I realised I looked like a bellend and took it off.

“She’s stuck with it forever, along with all the other poor bastards with their kids’ weird names, Bart Simpsons and Chinese lettering that actually says ‘crispy squid with noodles’ in Thai.”

Asked if the revelation was going to make him change career, Booker said: “Nah. If idiots think it’s a good idea to deface themselves with shit drawings of Hello Kitty, who am I to refuse to take their money?”